Parenting

Parenting
Guidelines For Parent Child Relationships
• Try to set a side time on a regular basis to do something fun with your child.
• Never disagree about discipline in front of the children.
• Never give an order, request, or command without being able to enforce it at the time.
• Be consistent, that is, reward or punish the same behavior in the same manner as much as possible.
• Agree on what behavior is desirable and not desirable.
• Agree on how to respond to undesirable behavior.
• Make it as clear as possible what the child is to expect if he or she performs the undesirable behavior.
• Make it very clear what the undesirable behavior is. It is not enough to say, “Your room is messy.” Messy should be specified in terms of exactly what is meant: “You’ve left dirty clothes on the floor, dirty plates on your desk, and your bed is not made.”
• Once you have stated your position and the child attacks that position, do not keep defending yourself. Just restate the position once more and then stop responding to the attacks.
• Look for gradual changes in behavior. Don’t expect too much. Praise behavior that is coming closer to the desired goal.
• Remember that your behavior serves as a model for your children’s behavior.
• If one of you is disciplining a child and the other enters the room, that other person should not step in on the argument in progress.
• Reward desirable behavior as much as possible by verbal praise, touch or something tangible such as a toy, food or money.
• Both of you should have an equal share in the responsibility of discipline as much as possible
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The Parent As Teacher/Coach
See your role as that of a teacher or coach to your children. Demonstrate in detail how you would like them to behave. Have them practice the behavior. Give them encouragement along with constructive criticism.
• Try to set aside time on a regular basis to do something fun with your children.
• Rather than tell them what not to do, teach and show them what they should do.
• Use descriptive praise when they do something well. Say, “I like how you ____ when you ____.” Be specific.
• Help your child learn to express how he feels. Say: “You seem frustrated.” “How are you feeling?” “Are you up set?” “You look like you are angry about that.” “It’s O.K. to feel that way.”
• Try to see a situation the way your children do. Listen carefully to them. Try to form a mental picture of how it would look to them.
• Use a soft, confident tone of voice to redirect them when they are upset.
• Be a good listener: Use good eye contact. Physically get down to the level of smaller children. Don’t interrupt. Ask open ended questions rather than questions that can be answered with a yes or no. Repeat back to them what you heard.
• Make sure they understand directions. Have them repeat them back.
• When possible give them choices of when and how to comply with a request.
• Look for gradual changes in behavior. Don’t expect too much. Praise behavior that is coming closer to the desired goal.
• Develop a nonverbal sign (gesture) that your children will accept as a signal that they are being inappropriate and need to change their behavior. This helps them to respond to your prompt without getting upset.

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